You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
