we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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