your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
