so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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