3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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