Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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