So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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