Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
