I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
