I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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