i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to stop coming to work sober
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
