well I can't set my house on fire every night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
