I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hippo gnu deer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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