She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
