so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we made out on top of his cat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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