Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
