Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
