I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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