dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
