he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
