I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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