You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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