ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
