I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
