i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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