Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
