I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
