I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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