just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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