There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
