Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
