Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
