I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
