But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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