Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
