is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
