Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
