Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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