and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
