you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pants are for mortals
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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