my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
