I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
