He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
