she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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