well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
