im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
