I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
