he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
