remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
