mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
