1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
