I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
