I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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