I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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